The Mysteries of Disney’s Haunted Mansion

PREVIOUSLY, IN MY QUEST FOR ALL THINGS HAUNTED MANSION

In 1989, my article on the origins of Disney’s Haunted Mansion and how Disney Imagineers created some of its special effects was published in StoryboarD Magazine in two parts. The folks at Disney put me in touch with Xavier Atencio—also known as X—a seminal Disney Imagineer, who wrote the Mansion’s theme song, “Grim Grinning Ghosts,” and who was kind and gracious enough to speak with me from his home in Southern California while I interviewed him by phone from the opposite coast.

I have been told by author Jeff Baham that my article was an inspiration in the writing of The Unauthorized Story of Walt Disney’s Haunted Mansion, now in its second, revised edition; and my article was also referenced in Disney’s official companion to the Haunted Mansion, The Haunted Mansion: Imagineering a Disney Classic, by Jason Surrell (on page 24, if you’re looking). I highly recommend both of these books—they will provide the answers to most of your questions about Disney’s spookiest and most endlessly fascinating attraction, and give you many hours of entertainment. And many thanks to both authors for even looking sideways at my little article back in the day!

But I have had many detailed questions about the Haunted Mansion over the many years between that article and today, that still remain unanswered. My love for the Mansion began when I learned on television, during the closing minutes of an episode of Walt Disney’s Wonderful World of Color in the late ‘60s, that Disney was building Walt Disney World in sunny Florida and the attractions that would populate it; and then I read a heavily-illustrated article (publicity photo above of Imagineer Yale Gracey) about the Mansion in Forrest Ackerman’s classic magazine, Famous Monsters of Filmland. This was when I was first discovering the joys of horror movies and fiction in the wake of Dark Shadows’ enormous influence; and my continued love for all things spooky stem from this era—my 2022 novel, Ghostflowers, was heavily inspired by television’s Dark Shadows and its surprising cultural impact. I never would have suspected, back then, that my favorite show would have an impact on the dreamers who designed parts of both Disneyland and Walt Disney World.

In 1989, I was more interested in the Mansion’s special effects and how they were created. Today, I’m more interested in the inspirations for the Mansion and its gags; because, for some of them, their origins are unknown even today, and have never been acknowledged.

I believe now that most of the Mansion’s ideas were inspired by other sources—many other sources—especially sources in contemporary popular culture that have not truly been linked to the Haunted Mansion before. I’m specifically talking about ideas, images, artifacts, and gags from television, movies, and even comic books, that perhaps the Imagineers saw in the comfort of their homes, sat up, and said, “Hey, we can use that!”

For instance, I came across a wonderful Haunted Mansion website nine years ago that showed me something I’d never seen before: an irrefutable link from the design efforts of the Haunted Mansion in the mid-1960s to the classic EC horror comics of the 1950s.

First, here’s a portrait of the Ghost Host, as painted by animator and Imagineer Marc Davis. This character is also called the Hatchet Man and the Hanged Man, and copies of this portrait hang in both Mansions at Disneyland and Walt Disney World:

Compare that to EC’s Old Witch character, one of EC’s three comic book horror hosts:

I don’t doubt that Davis was 100% inspired enough by EC’s Old Witch that he swiped her image for what was probably a preproduction painting for Disneyland’s mansion.

An aside for those who have never heard of swiping before: A swipe, especially in the fields of comic book art and illustration, is “the intentional copying of a cover, panel, or page from an earlier comic book or graphic novel without crediting the original artist.” Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swipe_(comics). Fine artists and illustrators also occasionally swipe from other paintings, such as the late Frank Frazetta (https://www.frazettagirls.com/blogs/news/frank-frazetta-reference-and-the-statement). It happens, and it’s fairly common, especially on comic book covers and in splash pages. And it’s no big deal. Artists accept it, and are usually flattered by it.

And the swiping artists rarely—if ever—admit to the swipe, leaving it up to us to figure out the source.

So it shouldn’t be a surprise that Disney artists occasionally swiped ideas and concepts from other media and art. It also shouldn’t be a surprise that Imagineers were well aware of EC Comics and the furor that had erupted over them a decade prior. As such, this 1954 EC comic book cover was probably the inspiration for an important gag high up in the Mansion’s Stretching Room:

Absolutely! That MUST have inspired at least one Imagineer to create the hanging corpse in the Mansion’s Stretching Room! There are even portraits on each side of the body, suggesting the strategic placement of the Stretching Room’s portraits; and the shadows from the cupola above suggest that the body is hanging from a long, high tower beam far overhead.

I knew from past Disney publications that Imagineers had a well-stocked library of reference materials they used for drawing and for attraction design. A photo I distinctly remember is a photo of their library and their National Geographic collection. So it’s been clear to me for decades that Imagineering has a ton of research materials at hand—and they are prepared to use them.

So I saw that cover from Vault of Horror and that got me to thinking. It’s never good when I start thinking. It means I’ll probably do something. So I did. I immediately went to my bookcase and pulled out my copy of Tales From The Crypt: The Official Archives Including the Complete History of EC Comics and the Hit Television Series by the late and notable writer Digby Diehl, and I started looking for any more possible influences the Imagineers may have borrowed from EC Comics’ output—and I quickly discovered these 1950s cover images that are so similar to concepts in the Haunted Mansion that I’m convinced the covers were intentionally swiped:

Was one of these covers—or were both?—the inspiration for the Conservatory scene of a victim—or, preferably, an undead corpse—trying to escape his coffin with cries of “Lemme out of here!” Personally, I think the designer of this scene took the hands from Haunt of Fear #6 (March 1951) and combined them with the funereal trappings—and its eerie evocation of dread—of Haunt of Fear #15 (September 1952), and came up with a palatable Disneyfied version. (Incidentally, the voice of the corpse in the coffin is that of writer and former interviewee of mine, X Atencio.)

The covers of EC Comics had several renditions of cemetery caretakers holding lanterns aloft, but this particular cover image from Vault of Horror #38 (August 1954) is strikingly similar to the caretaker outside the Mansion’s graveyard, from his cap to the dark brown color of his jacket. And he’s surrounded by the dead, just like in Disney’s graveyard!

I have no doubt this cover was a direct influence on the Mansion’s designers, as, I believe, was this cover from Haunt of Fear #17 (1950):

Here we have three small, dungeon rooms or alcoves, where EC’s three horror hosts stare at you, the reader, from open doorways. The artwork invites interaction: we’re looking at them, and they’re looking at us; the Crypt Keeper, himself, appears to be stepping towards us.

If you observe the layout of the three Hosts’ dungeon, it’s an L; which, not coincidentally, is also the general shape of the Doombuggy track and the room of mirrors where the three Hitchhiking Ghosts interact with visitors. Each EC horror host has their own alcove; each hitchhiking ghost starts in its own individual mirror. (In the chart of the Disneyland Mansion above, the L begins at the top entrance to the GHOST EFFECT ROOM, and the mirrors are basically located to the left of the G, E and R on the chart.)

Disney’s Imagineers modified EC’s layout so that the mirrors dominated one wall and created one continuous special effect; but the similarities to the EC cover, including the dungeon-like stone walls and flickering flame effects (Disney has torches; the cover has a flaming cauldron) are eerily identical. The original EC art invites interaction with the reader, so it should be no surprise that this room in the Haunted Mansion offers visitors the most interaction with its happy haunts.

The Long Forgotten website has a trove of artwork showing the evolution of the Mansion’s Séance Room, from the invention and first drawings of a medium, Madame Z, to the invention of Madame Leota inside the crystal ball.

I had the idea for this blogpost many years ago, and in the intervening years have posted some of this information on my blog in one form or another. Since then, I determined that online research alone wasn’t going to get me my answers. My original source, X Atencio, is no longer with us, so when I had my first unanswered questions about EC Comics and their influence on Disney’s Imagineers in 2020, I turned to an expert online source who actively invited questions.

I sent an email to visionary Imagineer and Haunted Mansion pioneer Rolly Crump (who sadly passed away only five months ago, in March).

His wife, Marie, responded a few days later, and said Rolly would love to answer my questions.

Hi Marie and Rolly!

I’m always furthering my knowledge of the Haunted Mansion and how the Imagineers created it. About ten years ago I was looking through a book on EC Comics, the horror comics from the mid-’50s, and I found some covers that look to me that they influenced the Imagineers who designed the attraction. I posted the covers (and the corresponding Mansion photos) on my blog at that time, and the links are below:

https://ruswornom.wordpress.com/2014/12/30/and-speaking-of-the-haunted-mansion/
https://ruswornom.wordpress.com/2015/01/06/the-haunted-mansion-with-love/
https://ruswornom.wordpress.com/2015/02/16/another-influence-for-disneys-haunted-mansion/

My questions are: Who brought in the comics? What does Rolly remember about the influences these images had on the individual Imagineers, such as Ken Anderson and Marc Davis…and Rolly, of course! And…did I miss any images or gags that you fellas devised that were also based on horror comics?

Thank you for letting me write, and my best to you both.

Take care,
Rus Wornom

Rolly was generous enough to write back, and he responded through Marie, who very kindly typed up his reminiscences:

It’s quite possible that Ken and Mark (sic.) may have been influenced by the horror comics of the 50’s but he has no specific knowledge of that.  At the time, everyone was working on ideas and concepts on an individual basis and it’s difficult to know who was influenced by what.  Rolly was working with Yale Gracey on illusions.  Rolly believes the idea for the head in the ball that Yale designed grew out of the talking mirror in Snow White.  They never discussed or referenced the comics.

So even though Rolly couldn’t provide me with conclusive proof, he did suggest that Ken Anderson and Marc Davis would have been the ones with an interest in comic books. I think we’ve already proved that Marc Davis was familiar with EC Comics and their Old Witch character; but did Ken Anderson base any of his concepts on EC artwork?

The idea of the séance—of communicating with the dead via spirit board or psychic medium or crystal ball—has been a staple in popular culture since the Victorian era. EC Comics was not the first producer of imagery with a ghost at a séance, but I suggest that this cover from June, 1952 was the primary inspiration to Ken Anderson for putting the head of a female ghost inside a crystal ball. He produced this very preliminary sketch for the séance scene which has certain similarities to the comic book cover’s female ghost with its dangling hair, and replete with chairs and table.

Yes, Snow White’s mirror may have influenced Imagineers to have the crystal ball speak, but I also believe that this EC cover by artist Johnny Craig was the primary imagistic source for Madame Leota speaking from inside the crystal ball; and I’m also sure that Anderson and the Imagineers were influenced by the séance scene from 1944’s superb haunted house film, The Uninvited, and also by the 1940s series of Inner Sanctum movies, all of which began with . . . a talking head inside a crystal ball—literally, a ghost host.

THE UNINVITED, from left, Alan Napier (Batman’s TV butler), Ray Milland, Gail Russell, Ruth Hussey, 1944
The host of each 1940s Inner Sanctum mystery movie.

The Long Forgotten website here also suggests that the staircase in The Uninvited was a huge influence on the interior design of the Haunted Mansion, and suggests that 1958’s Thirteen Ghosts and 1961’s The Innocents were also influential in different artistic aspects. The influence of 1963’s The Haunting is direct and undeniable: I don’t think the Mansion would have its bulging doors or even the Corridor of Doors if it hadn’t been for Robert Wise’s adaptation of Shirley Jackson’s The Haunting of Hill House and this impossible visual:

So, I have no doubt that Disney’s Imagineers borrowed or swiped concepts from any source they could find when designing the uncountable and innumerable sights and gags for the Haunted Mansion, both inside and out. And they did it wonderfully!

THE POWER AND IMPACT OF 1966 (or thereabouts)

So here it is, August, 2023, and a few days ago I responded to a post in a Haunted Mansion Facebook Group that intrigued me. One of the other group members posted his opinion about the exterior design for Florida’s Mansion—it was an influence I had forgotten about completely—and I asked for his source.

The Imagineering Library in the 1960s contained a pictorial source for the inspiration of Disneyland’s Haunted Mansion, a book entitled Decorative Art of Victoria’s Era by Frances Lichten. Inside was a photo of the Shipley-Lydecker Mansion in Baltimore, which was a direct influence on the design of the California Mansion. The book also provided an illustration of Kenwood, a house by Joel Rathbone, which the Long Forgotten website—and the original poster in the Haunted Mansion Facebook group—strongly suggests is the true inspiration for the exterior design of Florida’s (and Tokyo’s) Haunted Mansion.

This just raised many, many more questions for me, because while I admit there are certain elements of Kenwood that appear similar to Florida’s Mansion, I did not see at all how Kenwood could have inspired the entirety of the exterior. It was just too dissimilar. So, a few days ago I decided to do a little research about the exterior and see what I could dig up. As usual, I get a little rabid when I get a bug up my ass like this . . . hence this post.

Here’s the real thing that really got to me: The origin of the exterior appearance of Anaheim’s Mansion is extremely well-documented—so well-documented that we know the name of the house and its actual location in Maryland. There are many, many pictures of the house. The same cannot be said for the exterior of Florida’s Mansion. The company line has always been, and I paraphrase, that Florida’s Mansion was based on mansions along the Hudson River Valley. Jason Surrell blurs facts even further in Disney’s official Haunted Mansion history:

“Liberty Square, like the concept of Liberty Street before it, would re-create life in the original thirteen colonies. This geographical shift led Imagineers to New York’s lower Hudson River Valley, the ancestral home of Sleepy Hollow and the Headless Horseman, and they were inspired by the region’s stately old manor houses, in which English, Dutch, and German settlers would gather by the fireside and spin tales of the supernatural such as those by Washington Irving. Just as the Disneyland Mansion owed a debt to the Shipley-Lydecker House in Baltimore, the Walt Disney World version likely drew some of its inspiration from the very same catalog of Victorian-era design. It has also been claimed that Imaginers visited the Harry Packer Mansion, a Gothic manse built in 1874 in Jim Thorpe, Pennsylvania.

So the Haunted Mansion was transformed from an antebellum, Southern mansion into a Dutch-Gothic style manor house to fit in with its new Colonial surroundings.”

As a lifelong Disney fan, I always accepted the corporate line—but I also wanted them to be more specific. I understood that they picked elements here and there from different homes—but why didn’t they ever show us the homes or mansions that influenced the Florida Mansion’s exterior’s appearance? They never even provided a single name, except for “suggesting” that Imagineers were inspired by the Harry Packer Mansion.

So why haven’t they? Why hasn’t Disney ever been specific about the Florida Mansion’s origins?

I think this is why: Disney ain’t telling us the truth. They never have. Because . . . Artists rarely—if ever—admit to the swipe, leaving it up to us to figure out the source.

We already know that Disney got a lot of their ideas from books, magazines and movies, so let’s get a few of these little things out of the way before we concentrate on the exterior:

The concept behind the Mansion’s changing portraits—and particularly the foyer’s portrait of Mr. Gracey—are swiped from the idea behind The Portrait of Dorian Gray, most probably the 1945 film version.

The “original” portrait of Dorian Gray on the left, and the portrait of the corruptible, mortal Dorian Gray while being painted, right.

That’s a no-brainer. And Disney’s effects have always been gorgeous, even though, at one point, Mr. Gracey was facing the opposite way due to issues with the projection system.

The 2007 addition of the Endless Staircase in the Magic Kingdom was a much needed and highly imaginative enhancement to an uninvolving blank space previous decorated with webs and giant spiders that pretty much did nothing.

The Endless Staircase has certainly livened up this previously bland region. While it’s believed by many that this new addition was influenced by staircases that go nowhere in the magnificent Winchester House in San Jose, California, and also by concept art drawn by Imagineer Ken Anderson in the ‘60s, I believe Anderson brilliantly swiped his idea from 1953’s “Relativity” by artist M. C. Escher, and today’s Imagineers finally turned it into reality.

Now, let’s talk about the importance of the mid-1960s, and some of the things I discovered while in search of the source for the design of Florida’s Haunted Mansion. These are things I hadn’t heard about before, and are not typically discussed in official Disney materials. And it turns out that in the mid-60s—especially 1966—the ideas were truly flowing.

The Imagineers were in high gear in the mid-sixties, churning out concept after concept for the Anaheim Mansion’s opening, planned for summer 1969. So the Spring and Summer of 1966 must have been a time of both great activity and great inspiration for the Imagineers. The Anaheim Mansion needed to be planned and built; the sets and animatronics for the Florida Mansion had to be built simultaneously with the Anaheim pieces; and Imagineers desperately needed a design for the Florida Mansion’s exterior.

Luckily, 1966 was an incredible year for inspiration.

Little Leota, also known as the Ghostess, was created by Marc Davis. I don’t know why she’s tiny; Long Forgotten conjectures that she is supposed to represent a fairy or some type of mythical female. I just know that I always thought she was kind of cool, and the way she spoke, beckoning us to return, was both eerie and evocative.

I personally suspect that she’s so small because Davis originally wanted to place her in a situation where they used forced perspective to make her appear normal-sized to viewers, but seemingly at a distance; I do not know this for a fact, however. Davis once explained that she was based on a character—a mortuary cosmetician—played by actress Anjanette Comer in The Loved One, a satirical film about the Los Angeles funeral industry that was released in 1965. This is a swipe that very few Haunted Mansion fans are aware of.

THE LOVED ONE, Anjanette Comer, 1965

I’ve already discussed the EC Comics influence on the creation of a female head inside a crystal ball in the Séance Room. But let’s talk about the why of the Séance Room—why does the Mansion have this room at all?

Séances have been a part of our popular culture for more than 125 years, so it’s understandable that the idea of a séance would work perfectly in a haunted mansion; but usually séances, as in The Uninvited, would be held in a study or living room, and on a table that was NOT dedicated to seances, but was a regular, round table. That Imagineers would dedicate an entire room to a séance and its effects indicates the importance of the concept itself, and how influential the Imagineers considered it in regards to the American public in the mid-sixties.

That brings us to the 1966 cultural phenomenon that was Dark Shadows. After its debut on June 27, 1966, the ABC supernatural soap opera quickly rose in popularity with the introduction of anti-hero (and ultra-cool vampire) Barnabas Collins. The mansion on Dark Shadows, Collinwood, was most definitely a haunted mansion, and throughout its run from 1966 to 1971 it boasted any number of ghosts, vampires, witches, werewolves, monsters . . . and séances, many of them, in both black and white and in unliving color.

I am not privy to any notes or memos written by the Haunted Mansion’s Imagineers, but I have no doubt that if they didn’t watch Dark Shadows, they learned about the show from their kids—who would run home from school in time to watch it (I know because I was one of them)—and from their friends and spouses just how popular the show was; and also how popular séances had become because of the show’s influence. It’s estimated that ten million Ouija boards were sold between 1967 and 1972, which certainly coincides with the popularity of Dark Shadows. I believe that the Haunted Mansion has a séance room because Dark Shadows brought the concept back into vogue, and the Imagineers recognized the séance’s undeniable historical and cultural significance. It would be counterproductive not to capitalize on Dark Shadows’ popularity and spookiness. And besides, the kids loved it!

The Grand Hall has so many things going on in it that I hesitate to even approach it; but I do want to concentrate on two concepts instead of any individual gags: the origins of the haunted organ and the birthday party scene.

I honestly don’t know what came first: Did the Imagineers know that the organ from 20,000 Leagues was still in storage, unused, and decided to use it in one way or another in the Mansion; or did they come up with the haunted organ idea independently?

What I imagine—and I could be completely wrong—is that the Imagineers were influenced by the success of a spooky comedy movie that kids loved, was sold out at Saturday matinees across the country (again, I know, because I was one of those kids at a sold out matinee), and which starred a haunted organ with an impeccable sense of timing: 1966’s The Ghost and Mr. Chicken.

I’m sure that Disney Imagineers couldn’t help but pay attention to the movie’s success. Premiering in theaters on May 1, 1966, the movie was made for $500,000, pulled in $1.2 million in its first week, and made $4,000,000 in the first five months. That was great in 1966! Mr. Chicken was an ideal cross between horror and comedy, and may have even suggested to designers the same funny/scary tone for the Haunted Mansion. I’m sure that Disney also noted that family audiences were loving it—getting laughs and getting scared at the same time.

So it’s a little bit conjecture and a little bit educated guess on my part that Mr. Chicken’s haunted organ suggested a prominent role in the Mansion’s ballroom scene for the leftover organ from 20,000 Leagues, while the movie also suggested the proper balance between laughs and screams that only a handful of prior movies had achieved, most notably 1948’s Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein. The organ scenes were both spooky and funny, and the closing scene, where we all discover there really was a ghost in the haunted house, sets the perfect tone.

And another thing: My wife and I usually watch The Ghost and Mr. Chicken whenever it pops up on Svengoolie on MeTV, and I’m always curious about an aspect of the exterior of the old Simmons Mansion. At the entrance to the Simmons property, there are two red brick pillars that sure look familiar (I can’t find a photo online, so you’ll have to boot up the DVD for yourself). I wonder . . . did the art designer for the movie swipe the look of the Haunted Mansion’s entrance pillars, which had been in place at Disneyland since 1963? Was this a case of the Haunted Mansion and The Ghost and Mr. Chicken inspiring each other?

The Long Forgotten website suggests that the birthday party scene in the Grand Hall—at least the art design of the banquet room and table—was inspired by a scene from 1946’s film adaptation of Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations. This was news to me. I’d never actually thought about the Grand Hall scene much; I had always assumed that it was entirely invented by the Imagineers, one gag after another.

Now that I see it, though, the Great Expectations connection is undeniable.

Great Expectations, 1946

To summarize this Dickens scene very briefly: At Satis House, the elderly Miss Havisham has become embittered and perhaps mad in the decades since her fiancé abandoned her on their wedding day—so mad that she has left the ballroom, complete with place settings and rotted wedding cake, intact and untouched since that day so many years ago.

I have no doubt that Long Forgotten was absolutely right that the Imagineers based the scene on the dining room from Great Expectations. They simply changed the occasion from a wedding to a birthday party, and made the ghostly gags in the Grand Hall a great deal jollier. I think it was the perfect decision—it opened up the setting for a lot more gags.

And it is quite possible that the Imagineers remembered the 1946 movie for its atmosphere and visuals—but they didn’t need to go that far back in time to visualize the cobweb-covered wedding banquet. They only needed to watch one show in August, 1966.

The Avengers, a unique and unforgettable British spy series starring Patrick Macnee and Diana Rigg as “John Steed, agent extraordinaire” and “Emma Peel, talented amateur,” respectively, had burst onto American television in March 1966; and the classic episode “Too Many Christmas Trees” premiered in the US the night of August 11, 1966. This episode’s premise takes place at a British country mansion where different halls are based on the novels of Charles Dickens, and Emma Peel discovers something ghastly in . . .

It is more than probable that not a few Imagineers were at home that night, having supper and watching TV after a long day at the studio; and The Avengers popped on and showed them this decaying wedding vista, complete with a corpse at the head of the table. (By the way, the actor shown was portraying a character in costume as Jacob Marley, one of Dickens’ most famous ghosts.) With this one episode, we were presented with dangerous psychic powers, ghosts of Christmas past, a cobwebbed, dust-shrouded banquet table, and a web-covered corpse, all presented with The Avengers’ eccentric, tongue in cheek sense of humor—a sense of humor that was perfect for the Haunted Mansion.

Yes, I believe the setting from Dickens’ Great Expectations was the basis for the ballroom scene, but I also believe Imagineers were visually and viscerally influenced by this episode of The Avengers more than the 1946 film. That the episode was broadcast at the very time the Haunted Mansion was in the design stage is too coincidental to be ignored. Besides, this scene from The Avengers already had a ghost sitting at the table!

. . . Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within.

And now we come to the building itself.

From whence sprung the face of Florida’s Haunted Mansion?

So, let’s take a look at some mansions in the “lower Hudson River Valley” where Disney claims the appearance of the Florida Mansion originated. I chose to use these as examples because they seem the most similar to the Florida Mansion, even though all are quite different in many ways. You be the judge.

This engraving appears on page 38 of the Surrell book, and was originally found by Imagineers in the same book of Victorian designs as the mansion that inspired the look of the Anaheim Mansion. Kenwood was built in the 1840s near Albany, and was later enlarged after the building was transformed into a convent. Part of the structure burned down in 2023. I do see some similarities, but I feel they are minimal.

No one knows for sure if Kenwood was used as an inspiration for the Haunted Mansion. One online article even admits that “nowhere do they [Disney] list this Albany home as a model.” That, in and of itself, is very curious.

Then there’s the Table Rock mansion in Sloatsburg, NY:

This mansion was built in 1900, and appears a little too modern for a quasi-Colonial mansion, but there are certain similarities that Imagineers could have incorporated in Florida.

Glenview Mansion in Yonkers was built in 1877 of “locally quarried greystone” and was designed in a late Victorian style of architecture. It’s a gorgeous house and looks 100% haunted, but I see almost no similarities to the Florida Mansion.

Lyndhurst, a majestic mansion in Tarrytown, was first constructed in 1838, and then was doubled in size in 1865. The building is quite asymmetrical, and is visually stunning. But, other than turrets and rooftop ornamentation, very little here screams Haunted Mansion. Coincidentally, Lyndhurst was used as the Collinwood Mansion in the two 1970s Dark Shadows feature films, House of Dark Shadows and Night of Dark Shadows.

So, for this blog post, I went to various online sources here, here, here, here, and, finally, here, in order to see for myself what individual Hudson River Valley houses could possibly have inspired the Imagineers in the mid-sixties. As far as I’m concerned, the Harry Packer Mansion in Pennsylvania looks nothing like the Florida Mansion, and I truly believe there is no factual evidence that links that location to our Imagineers. And while there are many houses here that, certainly, could have inspired a rooftop ornament or a single architectural design or an archway or something, no one single mansion jumped out at me. Not one Hudson Valley mansion screamed at me visually, This is the one!

I had hit the proverbial haunted brick wall.

So what’s a writer to do when he can’t find the answer to a question, based on the facts as presented in Disney literature and lore since the ‘60s?

And I realized I had to change the question. Because maybe the answer wasn’t in the Hudson River Valley. At all.

What if Imagineers got the idea from somewhere else?

What if they got the idea from television or the movies?

What if the “look” of the Haunted Mansion . . . was a swipe?

Ah! That would explain the all too generic cover story about the Hudson River Valley. That would also explain the lack of concrete references regarding where they got the appearance—because artists rarely admit that they swiped an image. Plus, when they swipe something in the employ of a corporation, the company could be held liable, perhaps for plagiarism.

So, now armed with a new direction to take my search, I fired up the Macbook. I already had an idea of the inspiration for the Florida Mansion’s two wings, but where did the main look come from?

I did something really simple. I Googled television mansions 1960s.

I didn’t have to even click on any of the resulting links.

The mansion I now believe was the inspiration—the true, single, primary inspiration—for the look of Florida’s Haunted Mansion was one of the first images that popped up on my screen.

I knew it when I saw it—and I’m still kicking myself, because I should have known this intuitively!

So . . .

First, I believe the Imagineers got the inspiration for the Florida mansion’s wings from a source I’m sure they had used before: Dark Shadows.

As seen in Dark Shadows‘ early days in black and white…

Each episode of Dark Shadows opened with an establishing shot of the Collinwood Mansion, usually fog-shrouded, and usually with only one, spooky room lit by candlelight.

In actuality, Collinwood was Seaview Terrace, a sprawling, 54-room mansion built in 1925 in Newport, Rhode Island. The mansion’s wings were prominent on the show, as almost all exterior shots used were taken from the southeast, in the crook of the east and west wings (as above). In addition, writers incorporated the wings as story devices, portraying them as crumbling and abandoned, yet also existing in the supernatural realm, offering doorways to “parallel times”—doorways to Collinwood’s past, running concurrently with the present. Definitely haunted.

Giving the Haunted Mansion a powerful sense of depth and size—along with a certain mystique associated with mysterious mansions and dimly lit guest wings—would make the Florida Mansion visually impressive and, dare I say it, stately.

And the palatial home I believe was the true, secret model for the Florida Haunted Mansion . . .

Welcome to stately Wayne Manor.

7:30 p.m., January 12, 1966. ABC. The same network that, at the time, was also broadcasting Dark Shadows and The Avengers, premiered a new, twice-weekly series that would quickly break ratings records and captivate the children of America.

Batman, starring Adam West and Burt Ward, was an instant hit. Children took the comic book action seriously, while their parents watched the show for its sly winks and adult humor. PBS recently referred to Batman as “the biggest TV phenomenon of the mid-1960s.”

I was surprised when my Google search resulted with a photo of Gotham City’s finest estate. As a child, I was a faithful viewer; and nowadays, on Saturday nights, I watch the occasional episode on MeTV with my wife. Interior sets for Wayne Manor were generally used in every episode; but I honestly don’t remember ever seeing the exterior—not even in a recent repeat. The establishing shot of Wayne Manor (above) is from the opening minutes of Batman, the 1966 movie that was released between seasons one and two of the series on July 30, 1966; and when I saw the photo online, I could tell instantly that this is where Imagineers got their inspiration for the Haunted Mansion’s facade.

All the elements are in place: the lighter stonework along the trim, and the varied sizes of the blocks; the primary reddish coloration of the brickwork; the central archway and dark, wooden door; the center tower, and chimneys; the connected buildings that give the impression of a wing on the left side (there is a wing on the right).

And the choice, based on Batman’s immediate reception, couldn’t have been more perfect: a home in the national public’s eye, on a family-friendly show, with immense popularity and huge appeal across demographics; combined with a little stretching to make it appear taller; add forward-facing wings to make the house seem like its reaching for you, add a conservatory to tie in with the interior’s room, and tack on some cosmetic architectural modifications here and there—probably based on devices and photos from Decorative Art of Victoria’s Era—to make the house appear a little more foreboding and unusual . . . and you’ve got a mansion that seems very real—all you need are some flickering lights and some thunder, and stately Wayne Manor becomes our Haunted Mansion.

Upon sight of this photo, I immediately dismissed all the other possibilities. Obviously, our Haunted Mansion Imagineers made a swipe of the finest order! And, obviously, the Hudson River Valley cover story was a little obfuscation (to say the least); although, sure, I suppose, if you squint, 1966’s Wayne Manor could be described as being of the Dutch Gothic style. But it’s actually located at 380 San Rafael Avenue in Pasadena, California! And I would have assumed that at least a few Glendale Imagineers may have seen the mansion while driving past, but the house is described as hidden from the street and set back behind other homes; so I’m now positive that Imagineers saw the mansion on Batman the show or in Batman, the ’66 movie—and the house is so big and has so much personality that it’s been used in other shows and movies since its construction in 1928. (It’s not up for sale, but Pasadena’s Wayne Manor, if you wanted to make an offer, is currently estimated to be worth something in the $12-13 million price range. It is stately Wayne Manor after all.)

So, I’m convinced that the Imagineers swiped the idea from Batman.

And I think the Imagineers in 1966 left one, single clue for us intrepid investigators—just a little nod and a wink to the dedicated Mansion fans and the Batman fans . . . like me.

You’ll probably remember that the Anaheim Mansion has a partial back story about a ship captain, Captain Gore; and you might remember that “The original concept involved a backstory set in the early 1800s in which the mansion belonged to a wealthy sailing merchant who built the house for his bride. After moving in the new bride discovered that her husband was a bloodthirsty pirate, and upon confronting him with her discovery, he killed her. Her ghost haunted the house and the husband eventually committed suicide. Today the only remaining elements of that story are the sailing ship weathervane on the top of the house, and the bride that haunts the attic.” (AllEars.net)

The Florida Mansion is essentially based on the same back story which, as in Anaheim, is never really mentioned or referenced. But the Florida Mansion is located directly on the water, on a bluff on the Rivers of America, and it shares a dock where the late Mike Fink Keelboats used to berth—and one of the huge gravestones in the interactive queue area is that of a sea captain. So there are a lot of seafaring references here.

But the weather vane on the Florida Mansion is completely different than its West Coast counterpart.

It probably should have been identical to Anaheim’s weather vane, forged in the shape of a sailing schooner. With so many waterfront references along Florida’s Rivers of America, there’s no reason why the weather vane shouldn’t be the same.

But it’s not.

It’s a bat.

And maybe it was Ken and Marc and Rolly and Yale and X giving us a wink and a smile, if we could only connect the dots.

The Haunted Mansion was based on television’s Wayne Manor. And high up at the top they placed one, single clue—the Bat-Signal—so we could all eventually solve the real mystery of the Haunted Mansion.

We, the Bagels, Buses and Pizzas — NYC and DC, Part 6

I left the room about 7:55 am on Saturday and headed for a bagel emporium a few blocks from the Library Hotel. So, the Bagel Emporium was a restaurant a few blocks away from my dorm at the University of Miami, when I went to Graduate School for Creative Writing in 1981. It was the first place I ever ate a hot pastrami—and it was THE best, even though my suitemate, Steve, from Edison, New Jersey, said the pastrami was too fatty. I loved it anyway.

But this has nothing to do with the Bagel Emporium. I just wanted to use that phrase, bagel emporium, because the shop I went to that a.m. truly was an emporium of bagels. And I really miss Miami. I always do. And the Bagel Emporium, in Coral Gables, just steps away from my University of Miami dorm, which was then known as Mahoney, is, happily, still operating in the same shopping center where I left it in 1983.

The NYC YouTube guru had suggested Absolute Bagels on Broadway. I wanted to stick close to the hotel because we had to catch a plane for DC. So I walked nearby to Zucker’s Bagels and was blown away by their selection. I already knew I wanted to try an authentic onion bagel from NYC, but did they have the cream cheese spread I wanted? Did they have the spread the YouTube guru liked?

Yes. Or as they said in Zucker’s Bagels that morning, “Yes.”

One onion bagel. Toasted. With scallion cream cheese. To go.

I took it back to Maria in the room, and . . . we’re still talking today about how good that bagel tasted. The cream cheese appeared to be homemade, with fresh cut, thick scallion slices that were absolute perfection.

We will most definitely go there again and feast out.

So.

When we got to Newark a few days ago, we stupidly followed the advice of the YouTube NYC guru who suggested Sarge’s and Absolute Bagels. Yes, he was right about Sarge’s Deli, and maybe right about Absolute Bagels, too; but I found Zucker’s instead, so we may never know. But . . . about taking a Lyft or a cab from Newark into the city . . . No, hell no, we did NOT want to spend another $150 just to get back to the airport. There was no way in Hell.

So I looked online to see if a train from Grand Central could take us into Newark. Or a subway. Anything.

And then I saw there was a shuttle bus. A bus! A glorious cheap ass shuttle bus for a cheap ass guy like me! CoachUSA. The website said we could get the bus at Grand Central, and we’d be at the Newark airport in one hour and five minutes. And the price . . .

$18 each.

But WAIT.

They offered a senior discount.

I know. Senior.

Smirk all you want.

$8.50.

$8.50 a person, instead of $150.

SAVED!

With the bus E-tickets stored safely in my iPhone, we checked out of the beautiful Library Hotel (yes, we’ll be back, and next time I’ll request the room of Mysteries!) and trudged into Grand Central Station. This time, I didn’t see any cops around to ask for directions, so I went to the circular booths in the center of Grand Central that offered train information and asked one of the attendants what gate the CoachUSA to Newark would dock at . . . and she very nicely told me that we had already passed the “gate” for the CoachUSA bus on the way from the hotel. Apparently, the bus loads not at Grand Central Station, as the website stated, but somewhere on a street we passed in between the Library Hotel and Grand Central. In fact, it was 41st Street.

Outside? They can’t afford a real bus stop in the Terminal? What kind of a chickenshit outfit is this?

We followed her directions and got to 41st Street—and then didn’t know where to go, as there was no signage that said CoachUSA or BUS STOPS HERE or even START WALKING, ASSHOLE. Thankfully, as I was becoming angry and flustered and had no idea where to go, Maria remained ever observant and said, “There’s a bus parking over there,” and she pointed across the street.

It was 8 a.m., and the empty, air-conditioned CoachUSA bus was parallel parking, it seemed, just for us.

We dragged our suitcases across the street. The only thing indicating that this was a bus stop—or a stop of any kind—were three, bare, sheet metal poles, painted yellow and stuck in the cracks between the sidewalk’s concrete squares. Two indicated the position of the bus door; the other indicated where the rear edge of the bus should be parked. Not one had any signage that said HERE’S THE BUS STOP, DUMB ASS.

Wow.

We waited for the doors to hiss open. And indeed they did. And a bus driver who looked like one of the Mario brothers stepped down to the sidewalk, and he pronounced that the bus would leave at 8:30. Okay, good. I tried to show him our tickets so we could get inside and out of the already uncomfortable heat. “We leave at 8:30,” he said again.

“I understand,” I told him. I held out my phone.

“We leave at 8:30,” he said again.

Then I realized something. “Are you saying we can’t get on the bus until 8:30?” I said.

“8:30,” he said again.

It was already hot out, and I was sweating. And it was only eight in the morning.

“Christ on a crutch,” I said.

Suddenly I was very, very tired of the heat and the crowds and the walking and the sidewalks and the cramped restaurants and goddamn Google Maps, and, this tin god bus driver—and, as Stephen King pronounced with the very first line of his classic novel, The Shining, I was tired of “Officious little pricks.” (Not to mention “all the people dressed like monkeys.” Thank you, Randy Newman.)

Then Mario or Luigi or whoever got back on the bus and closed the doors and sat in his air conditioning by his own officious goddamn self, and Maria and I pulled our suitcases over to some marble steps nearby and sat down and waited next to a dead bug and a strange yellow stain on the topmost marble step that I didn’t want to think about.

I missed my dogs and cats. I missed my bed. I missed being calm.

It was time to get the hell out of NYC.

A small crowd gathered and sat on the steps with us, and just a few minutes before 8:30, the driver stepped out of the bus, opened the undercarriage luggage bays, and started scanning our tickets. At precisely 8:30, the doors closed, and we were on our way to Newark and, by extension, the last night of our trip, finishing in DC.

•     •     •

The United baggage attendant outside on the sidewalk at concourse C took our bags as soon as we left the bus. Functional and efficient. The TSA checkpoint inside was pretty crowded, but we got to the gate with hours to spare. Functional.

We arrived at Washington National without a single problem, and the flight attendant announced to the passengers what carousel our luggage would be on.

Nope.

We made it down to the baggage claim and aimed for our carousel, but I saw one of the passengers on our flight rushing away from the carousel and toward an office. I stared at the office, which turned out to be the United luggage office, and recognized one of our bags lined up outside the office with about fifty other bags. The bags had been loaded into an earlier flight and had been waiting there for a couple of hours.

Neither functional nor efficient.

I turned around and dragged the bags outside to the rideshare pickup area. The first Lyft I summoned went to the wrong terminal to pick us up, so we had to wait a little longer for another driver to get us and take us into DC to the Washington Hilton.

The Washington Hilton’s most notorious claim to fame is as the location where John Hinckley shot Ronald Reagan and James Brady. I made reservations there before I remembered this, because the hotel seemed to be about equidistant to Kennedy Center and a book store I wanted to visit, Second Story Books at Dupont Circle.

We got into our room, and checked the weather. It was supposed to rain between 5 and 6. I looked out the window about 5:15 and storm clouds were massing, but they didn’t look bad. I went downstairs to call a Lyft, and during that time between me looking out the window and the elevator depositing me at the lobby, the monsoon broke. I looked back and forth several times between my cell phone and the tall lobby windows, streaming with rain, and wondered if I should go or not. Then I said Fuck It and went back upstairs. That took only about 60 seconds, and by then our view from the room was obscured so much by the pounding rain that visibility was only about 20 feet. I was so glad I stayed in. The bookstore will be there next time we go to DC, I trust. (The next day we passed at least one home where the torrential rain had blown over a tree across the driveway, and saw several other DC area photos online.)

The hotel was crowded with at least one industry group or a convention, so the idea of eating supper at one of the hotel restaurants seemed more like a pain than a joy. The noise level at the bar was already way higher than I could have imagined. It turned out we just weren’t hungry for any of the nearby restaurants listed online, so we did what I wanted to in NYC: we ordered a pizza. One of the most intriguing offerings was a DC place called We, The Pizza, which does something, in my experience, that no other pizza place does: they deliver individual slices. Delivery was fast and the pizza tasted great—we tried four different pizzas via slices—but it just wasn’t the NYC pizza experience I wanted. Next time.

Then we got ready to go to Kennedy Center. This was the capper for me; this is what started off this accidental vacation: The Play that Goes Wrong. I found The Goes Wrong shows by accident on YouTube and fell in love immediately. Imagine The Naked Gun on stage—it’s that hilarious. Two previous plays are available on YouTube: Peter Pan Goes Wrong featuring David Suchet—

—and A Christmas Carol Goes Wrong featuring Dame Diana Rigg and Derek Jacobi.

The troupe also had a show on BBC—also watchable on YouTube—called The Goes Wrong Show.

So, if you don’t know about Mischief Theater and the shows they produce, the premise is simple: these are local theatrical productions, entirely produced by a small theater troupe from Cornley, somewhere in England . . . and if something can go wrong with this group of untalented amateurs, it will.

Ostensibly, the touring cast.

I have said for years that the stage is the ideal place for mysteries, and mystery plays are my favorite type. The Play that Goes Wrong is a very bad performance of a very bad mystery entitled The Murder at Haversham Manor. There’s even a Wiki all about the show, and you can read that here. Look, all you need are four words:

Hilarious high jinks ensue.

And they do. The play starts before any action occurs on stage, with the pre-show activities of the stage crew speaking with the audience and searching for a lost Duran Duran CD set. This sets the premise for the entirety of the show.

I’d tell you more, but you really should see the show. There are still dates available at Kennedy Center in August. The theaters there are beautiful, and the shows are consummately professional.

•     •     •

Summer, left; Sam, asleep.

The plane the next morning was late. We had to fly all the way back to Newark just to connect with a flight to Richmond. If our flights had remained on schedule, we would have been able to pick up the pups from the kennel and enjoy the rest of the night with everybody safe at home. But at least we were home and well; the cats were fine; and we’d pick up the dogs in the morning. And at least it wasn’t The Flight that Went Terribly Wrong. We were on one of those a couple of years ago—but at least we got a free night’s stay in a great hotel in Miami.

Recommendations:

New York City in autumn or spring.

Take a bus to or from Newark.

Take the subway in the city (when it’s safe).

Eat well. Party hard.

Thus endeth the trip report. Back to novel writing on Monday.

Wasting Away Again — NYC and DC, Part 5

At the top of Maria’s bucket list for this trip was a visit to The World Trade Center Memorial. So after our Friday morning ablutions in the Dinosaur Room, and bottled water and a can of ginger ale from the Reading Room, we walked to Grand Central, asked a cop what train to take, and then we took the subway to Fulton Street, the closest stop to the Memorial. We walked to the nearest intersection and blankly wondered where the memorial would be, then I turned to my left, stared, and said to Maria, “I think we found it.”

The building they call the Oculus, even at three blocks away, dominated our line of sight. The visual is stunning in person, only for me to be disappointed that what the building really represents is a glorified and upscale shopping mall inside. Honestly, I was more interested and impressed by the anthropomorphic animal statues outside the white building that tourists were posing with—and on—all sculpted by a husband and wife team dedicated to wildlife preservation, Gillie and Marc.

We weren’t all that interested in touring the museum on site, but Maria did want to visit at least one of the reflecting pools, and also to find some souvenirs for her little sister.

We stopped at the South Pool, built at the epicenter of the South Tower’s original location, and, to be honest, when I saw the names inscribed in the surrounding parapets, I just could not stop crying. (Who am I kidding. I was crying as soon as I sensed the empty places where the Twin Towers had once stood.) I remember all too well the deep and sudden emptiness I experienced when my parents and sister and father-in-law died years, even decades, ago; and in the shade around the reflecting pool, I wept for the people who survived this attack, who have gone on without their husbands or mothers or girlfriends—without the loved ones who gave their lives special meaning. Their sudden deaths obviously affected the entire world in huge, geopolitical ways, but also affected us in slight, butterfly ways—small ways, personal ways, that might feel small at first, yet have lingering and timeless impact on our lives today. I felt it then in the sun-dappled shade at the reflecting pool. I don’t need to go back again. I have no wish to weep any more.

At a merchandise cart, Maria bought a trio of memorial magnets for her sister while I cried at the sight of a tote bag bearing painted portraits of the search and rescue dogs that were heroes, as far as I’m concerned, those days after the fall of the towers. (Seriously, I cry at sappy commercials. I cry at nostalgic music. Last time at Disney World, I cried at the fireworks. You can’t take me anywhere.) Then we gratefully went back to the subway and traveled back to midtown, where we decided to have lunch. No, I didn’t cry at lunch.

I had originally wanted to go to Katz’s Deli, mostly for its fame, but also because I’d heard their sandwiches were not only huge, but great tasting. But my pal Darin De Paul not long ago told me that Katz’s wasn’t all that great any more, and the NYC travel personality I’d seen on YouTube (I mentioned him in a previous blog post, “It’s Not the 1980s Any More,”) suggested a different and lesser known deli altogether.

So we headed to Sarge’s, only a few (about seven, I think) heat-exhausting blocks away from the Library Hotel. I was a little disappointed when we entered, because if they had air conditioning in the restaurant, something was seriously wrong with it. Floor fans situated throughout the dining areas were the only things keeping patrons comfortable, and at a bare minimum.

Late ‘70s/early ‘80s: We ate a couple of times at the late, great Mama Leone’s, once located in the theater district and an unforgettable Italian restaurant, even if it was a little touristy. (I’m still trying to obtain a copy of their 1967 cookbook, with an introduction by Dwight Eisenhower.) As soon as you were seated, a waiter would bring a small plate bearing a single, red tomato and a ball of mozzarella—a free, Caprese-style appetizer to go along with the bottle of olive oil already at the table.

Half sour pickle in foreground.

Here at Sarge’s, they immediately bring each diner a small plate of cole slaw, accompanied by a small, sour pickle and a small, half-sour pickle that looks paler than a cucumber but tastes almost like a dill pickle. Whatever—they were both delicious, and I saved the cole slaw for later. We knew the sandwiches would be big, so we split a hot pastrami on rye with Swiss Cheese and spicy mustard. My smeared some of my cole slaw onto my pastrami and loved it. Maria later told me she thought it was the best meal we had in NYC this trip.

At the table, we decided on a whim to go to Times Square. We hadn’t planned on it; and before now, I hadn’t even thought about it beyond a mention of thinking I’d like to see the new Margaritaville Hotel. So we left Sarge’s with the intent of walking back to Grand Central Station and taking the subway to Times Square; but the heat got to us as soon as we left Sarge’s non-air conditioning. We didn’t want to walk seven blocks. We didn’t want to walk anywhere. So I summoned a Lyft and we waited for it in the shade between a dance studio and a tanning salon on 3rd Avenue.

The Lyft let us of on a side street just feet from the action. The entire area was covered with construction scaffolding—seriously, it seemed like it covered everything within view—so we never did get a holistic or panoramic view of the entirety of Times Square. I knew that, in years past, we could see the Bat Signal in a window at the far edge of Times Square, which signified the location of Midtown Comics, perhaps the most popular comic book shop in the US. But I couldn’t see the Bat Signal anywhere, so I and Google Maps aimed us in the direction of Margaritaville.

Almost as soon as we started walking under the Times Square scaffolding, we were passed by a trio of badly-costumed Minnie Mouses (Minnie Mice?), all of whom wore their big rubberheads halfway off their heads. I’m not sure if they needed to breathe because of the heat or what, but if you do a search of Minnie Mouse Times Square on Google, you’ll see that the Minnie Mouses have their rubberheads off a LOT of the time. Even the Tickle Me Elmos do it! Disney World would shit a personalized memory brick if any of their Mouses, Ducks or Dwarfs ever did anything like this.

Times Square is completely different, almost sanitized, from the last time we were there. We were so busy during the days surrounding Deb and Darin’s wedding in 1993 that I don’t think we made it to Times Square during that trip—so the last time we even saw Times Square, at least in person and not on TV at New Year’s Eve, had to have been in the ’80s.

Times Square, 1977. Look at all the bell bottoms. And the camera store sells only the newest transistor radios. And they have film!

Gone are the adult book stores. Gone are the peep shows. Gone are the smoke-filled XXX movie theaters. Even the theater where we saw the Special Edition of Close Encounters the day it opened in August of 1980 is gone now.

The sleaze factor was especially high back in the day.

Very groovy.

Cool.

Now Disney has Disneyfied Times Square for a family audience. Hell, even the Naked Cowboy wears underpants.

I was hoping to look around a little at the Margaritaville Hotel and buy a t-shirt from the inevitable gift shop. National headlines say that the owner-operators of the hotel are leading this particular NYC corner of the Margaritaville empire into bankruptcy, so I honestly had no idea how long this very new hotel would be around, and I wanted to make sure I had at least one souvenir of its existence. Luckily, I found the perfect t-shirt and a Margaritaville NYC shot glass, and when I went back around the corner to get Maria, who was resting from the oppressive heat outside on a cool, secluded couch in a softly lit alcove, the doorman was happy to take a photo memory for us —

Yes, I believe that IS the Statue of Liberty’s flip flop . . .
and the pop top she stepped on.

— and he was also kind enough to tell us that showing my gift shop receipt would get us a free cocktail at the bar upstairs.

Well, twist my arm.

We didn’t look all over the hotel like I had hoped, but a free drink at the bar in the Margartiaville restaurant sufficed. I had Jimmy Buffett’s claim to fame, a Margarita on the rocks, and Maria had one of their other signature cocktails.

They had a huge bust of the Statue of Liberty facing out the Times Square windows. The back holds an alcove with a booth that can sit 6-8, and in her hand she holds a Margarita glass that boasts swirling special effects.

Coincidentally, I’m wearing a t-shirt from a bar in Key West, the Green Parrot.

At one point while sitting at the bar, I turned to check out my immediate environs, and saw this sight:

We had come straight to Midtown Comics without even knowing it.

A lot of cool places are on the second floors of NYC buildings because the first floors are generally very tall. (were most of them 1930s or 1940s department stores once upon a time?) The Margaritaville restaurant and bar was on the second floor, and Midtown Comics took up the second and third floors of their building. Like Forbidden Planet earlier in our trip, Midtown Comics is a wonderful shop, filled with so much orgasmic nerd material that a dumb ass like me could go nuts financially. This time, however, I didn’t buy anything—but there was so much I wanted. Instead, I took a few free Midtown bookmarks, made it out alive, and we walked down the long steps back out onto the street. The only other place I wanted to check out was the Disney Store; by chance, though, we came to an Old Navy, and I found a nice polo shirt on sale.

The Disney Store has doormen who greet you in black suits and ties. I thought Jake and Elwood had come back. (I wish!) So we went inside and nerded out for a while—this store had merchandise from Disneyland and Disney World both—and we ended up buying just a few Christmas ornaments and a pair of matching mugs so we could make Moscow Mules when we got back home.

Back outside, we walked back the way we had come. Maria said she thought we were close to where Anderson Cooper and CNN broadcast from every New Year’s Eve, and I said, okay, let’s look up. And this is exactly where we were standing:

You can see for yourself the extent of the scaffolding and black mesh that’s covering a LOT of Times Square this summer.

We took the subway back to the Library Hotel and rested for a little while before we had to leave for dinner. Visiting Little Italy was on our To Do List, and we had chosen a place called Gelso and Grand for our last night’s dinner. We didn’t know if it was very authentic, or old school, or Italian nouveau, or what. But the menu online looked good.

The subway let us out just a couple of blocks from the restaurant. It was right at 7:00, the time of our reservation, but the streets were already crowded and lit up.

Gelso and Grand is a beautiful restaurant inside and out, professionally designed and decorated . . . and the food’s pretty good, too. I’d go back in a heartbeat, and next time I’d love to try the gourmet pizza. We split an order of the spaghetti bolognese and enjoyed that with a bottle of an Italian red. The bolognese was a tasty cross between a traditional bolognese sauce (I make, in my humble opinion, an incredible and authentic bolognese, thanks to an aunt who fed me bolognese when I was but six or seven years old) and a typical red meat sauce. On a future trip to NYC, I’d like to find an unapologetically-old school Italian restaurant that’s been around for eighty years, using the same 1940s recipes they started with. Maybe mobsters had been shot there once or twice. Whatever. But Gelso and Grand was a great way to top off our trip to NY, and I recommend it highly.

I wish we’d had the time and energy to explore Little Italy, but after dinner, the heat was still too oppressive and we didn’t even want to walk back to the subway station. A Lyft brought us back to the Library Hotel, where we had to start packing for the last leg of our journey: Washington DC, Kennedy Center, and The Play that Goes Wrong.

Good night, New York.

Mysterious Mousse and a Forbidden Planet — NYC and DC, Part 4

It’s still Thursday, July 27, and Maria and I are in New York City, dealing with the increasing and incessant heat as we slog our way from Chinatown to the door of the incredible Mysterious Bookshop.

On Google Maps, the distance looked minimal. Doable.

I was wrong.

We’ve been shopping at the Mysterious Bookshop ever since Otto Penzler opened the doors in 1979. This is not the original location on 56th Street, near the Metropolitan Museum of Modern Art. That store was wonderful: new and used books on the first floor, and a gorgeous spiral staircase leading up to the collectibles and Sherlock Holmes books and memorabilia on the second floor. Climbing the staircase was a tight experience, but it gave the store a certain mysterious ambience.

The new location on Warren Street is smaller with only one floor, but still has the charm of the original, even without the spiral staircase, which I miss a lot. (I greatly regret that we only once made it to their competitor in 1979/early ‘80s, Murder Ink, the first ever bookstore dedicated solely to mysteries. Dilys Winn, the owner, wrote a magnificent book about the mystery genre, also titled Murder Ink, the quality and design of which has never, in my opinion, been duplicated. Long live the Baskerville typeface!)

We had to sit down and rest for a few moments before shopping, and once we did that the clerk at the register pointed us toward a restaurant around the corner that could offer us rest rooms and cold drinks.

Le Pain Quotidien was a cool and spacious casual restaurant, especially for breakfasts. They have a ton of locations in NYC, and even one in Coconut Grove, my old stomping grounds near the University of Miami. We sat for a few minutes, cooled down, and enjoyed a beautiful and tasty chocolate mousse cake, which I want a lot more of. Unfortunately, while we were there, the heat got to one of their customers. An ambulance pulled up outside and carried off a woman who was seriously suffering from the 102° city temperature. We were feeling it, too. We decided then that we would walk outside as little as possible for the rest of the trip.

There are always too many books. I see a hundred or a thousand titles in the Mysterious Bookshop that I would love to read, including all the Sherlock Holmes pastiches that I could dream of, but real life and time and the thinness of my wallet (not to mention weight restrictions on the plane home) will only allow me a few new books for my shelves, so I get the new James Lee Burke, signed, a ‘70s noir novel I’d been waiting for, a magician mystery, and a humor book about murders in English villages. That would leave me room in my carry on for a few more books from elsewhere in the city.

The subway stop we needed was only two blocks away and a stroll through City Hall Park. After a nice but brief discussion with the head bookseller about writer James Swain and his mysteries about magic, casino cheating and poker, we made it through City Hall Park only for me to get confused again because of the wonder of Google Maps and the location of the subway station. While Maria sat in the shade, I went from one end of the park to another, and finally found the Number 6 station right where I didn’t expect it—only steps away. We thought briefly of going to the World Trade Center Memorial because it was quite close by, but it was so damn hot we both wanted to get back to the room and rest. So we took the 6 line uptown to Grand Central and made it back to the Library Hotel without passing out.

It was a miracle.

We took advantage of the free spring water and cans of ginger ale in the Reading Room on the second floor, and relaxed for a few minutes in our Dinosaur room on the Math & Science Floor. (We still couldn’t get over the fact that we were finally staying in the Library Hotel! Books everywhere! Free drinks and snacks! A wine bar downstairs and a rooftop bar upstairs!)

After a brief respite, I wanted to go out again to the Strand and Forbidden Planet. Maria stayed in to rest and freshen up. So I called a Lyft and headed to Greenwich Village.

Forbidden Planet is a wonderful comic book and science fiction shop that has been in the Village for decades. It’s moved at least once, and at one time had a basement filled with back issues, but I didn’t know until the Lyft parked outside the shop that the new location was also conveniently right next to the Strand.

Walls of geeky t-shirts. Row after row of comic book collections and graphic novels. New SF novels. Toys and Funko Pop figures and statues and mugs and keychains and magnets… and all I bought was a Svengoolie comic book! I could have bought so much more, but monetary guilt and the realities of air travel put a psychological hamper on my buying spree.

It was the same way next door at the Strand. The Strand is simply heaven for book lovers. I already had a list of books I wanted from there. But, alas, things have changed since the last time I shopped there the year our friends Deb and Darin got married, in 1993.

The ground floor was the main book room, filled with a combination of new books and promotional books. They had moved the Art section and I think made it a little smaller, But the Strand’s claim to fame, at least for me, was their basement. Back in the day, publishers would send complimentary review copies to reviewers, editors, and bookstore owners in order to garner good reviews. Whether those book were read, reviewed, or not, the NYC recipients of these free books would generally bring them to the Strand and, I believe, receive 1/4 the cover price for review books. The Strand would then sell them downstairs in the very cramped basement for 1/2 off the cover price. Everyone—reviewers, the Strand, and their customers—was a winner. So many books, almost of them in pristine, unread condition, at a half price discount, couldn’t be beat!

Now: I think electronic copies came along and ruined everything. Editors and reviewers mostly use ebooks and e-readers for reviewing nowadays, and, by necessity, that sea change in publishing would naturally affect the Strand’s bookselling. I hadn’t really thought about that, though. I had my wanted list, a little bit of everything, on my iPhone —

  • American Blockbuster NF by Acland
  • A Good House for Children by Kate Collins
  • Ascension by Binge
  • How to read the constitution and why by Kim Wehle   NF
  • Best state ever. Dave Barry
  • Cartoon books. Tom Gauld
  • Book Towns. Johnson. NF
  • Fright Watch: The Stitchers  YA Lorien Lawrence
  • Don Winslow
  • Drowning. Newman
  • Mysteries by Anthony Slayton
  • Wildsam Field Guides NF
  • Cartographers. Shepherd
  • Paradox Hotel. Hart
  • Riley Sager
  • Side Dish Bible. American Test Kitchen
  • Imagineering story. Iwerks
  • Lew Berney
  • Dubious Documents. Bantock Monsters. Barry Windsor Smith

— and I walked down the twisting steps, toward my own, heavenly slice of New York City . . .

And the basement had been turned into a nonfiction-only version of the ground floor.

I went immediately to the now well-lit, uncramped bookshelves where all the current review copies of fiction had once been stacked side by side in beautiful, semi-alphabetical order . . . and there were travel books. Travel books! I didn’t want a guide to Irkutsk! What kind of hellish thing has happened to my book store?

I stepped back and wondered if I were in the right basement. Sometimes these old buildings in NYC had sub-basement after sub-basement. Hell, I’d read Lovecraft; I knew from where Pickman’s model had come. Maybe the Strand had been swallowed by a Hellmouth. Then I went to the kid at the cash register and asked where the review copies were kept, and he told me . . . they didn’t have review copies any more.

Oh.

Well then.

I looked at the books I had in my hand; only two, where I had thought I might get out easily this time with a purchase of perhaps ten or a dozen, and I realized I didn’t have to worry any more about packing them in my luggage or the bags being overweight.

The weight of my disappointment went with me up the stairs. I selected a souvenir shot glass and wanted to get a t-shirt, but the shirt I liked wasn’t available in my size, and I said Fuck it. I bought my books and my shot glass and I took the cheap ass subway back to the hotel, screw an expensive Lyft, I don’t know why I took one earlier anyway.

We had already changed our Italian dinner reservations to Friday night, so when I got back to the hotel, we decided to take it easy the rest of the night. Intense heat and a some more-than-usual exercise can do that to a body. Dinner was delivered by Door Dash from the Cosmic Diner—just a couple of sandwiches and fries and Kosher pickles. Nothing special or gourmet, but definitely delicious and overstuffed and exactly the cozy kind of food we really needed.

After the 8:00 performance of Funny Girl concluded, Deb Cardona took a cab and met us downstairs at Madison and Vine for a drink and a snack and a lot of smiles and laughs. It was wonderful to see her one last time on this trip—we miss her and Darin and our other ’90s Orlando pals, Mike Speller and Jackie McBride, more than I can describe.

Deb got a taxi home, and Maria and I spent the rest of the night at the hotel, and before bed we went upstairs to the Reading Room and brewed a couple of mugs of hot tea.

Then we read, just a little, and went to bed early, and we dreamed of books and dinosaurs and people melting on the sidewalks. Like us.

Day Three, Friday, when we did a little bit of the NYC tourist thing, is soon to come…

The Taking of Subway 6, NYC and DC, Part 3

We woke last Thursday in the Dinosaur Room of the Library Hotel with a bare bones agenda: get lunch, visit the World Trade Center Memorial, and then do whatever else we wanted. I had one, lingering mission: when we would fly to NYC in the ‘80s, we’d invariably arrive to the Port Authority around lunch time, and the first thing we’d do would be to stop at a corner pizza place and get a couple of pepperoni slices. I wanted that singular taste again, and the enjoyment of the warm, orange grease dripping down my wrist. No pizza has ever tasted finer to me than New York pizza. All I wanted was one slice of pie.

Sorry to say, the pizza didn’t happen until we got to DC. (It was quite good—excellent, in fact, and borderline gourmet—but pizza from We, the Pizza is not NYC pizza.)

But finding lunch in NYC proved easy. We had searched online long before we ever got to NYC and decided we wanted to visit Chinatown and Little Italy—neighborhoods we’d never been to before—and try the best restaurants the city had to offer. Gelso and Grand was our dinner choice for Italian; we already had reservations for tonight, but after waking up, we realized a dinner there would be too filling, so we changed our reservation to Friday evening. Lunch would be in Chinatown, at what Deb told us was a surprisingly good hole in the wall—perhaps, more exactly, a hole in the basement—but still quite excellent, which turned out to be a 2022 James Beard Award Winner: Wo Hop.

We tired quickly of wasting money on cabs and Lyft rides, and once we discovered that a subway ride one-way cost less than $3.00, our decision was made. I don’t remember if we rode the subway ever in the 1980s—we may have once, on a trip with Maria’s sister and boyfriend, but I can’t remember that as a fact—so this was the perfect time for a new experience. The doorman at the Library Hotel told us that we needed the 6 train to Chinatown—

By the way, Google Maps is just awful with directions on foot. If walking directions exist on Google Maps, I don’t know how to access them; and once we were outside attempting to get our bearings, reading the map for me was just impossible, and I’d end up leading us in the wrong direction almost every time we walked anywhere. If I had to use Google Maps on a one-way street, somehow I’d get lost.

Sorry. I’ve digressed.

—and that all roads lead to Rome. Rome, in this case, was only a block away from the Library Hotel, and Rome was called Grand Central Station.

Yes, THE Grand Central Station.

Grand Central is not only the midtown, central hub for all the trains that bring commuters in to their jobs every day from New Jersey and Connecticut (not to mention Rob and Laura’s New Rochelle), but it’s the central hub for the NYC subway system. We had never before been inside—I’d never even seen the exterior in our previous trips to the city—so after a brief pause to marvel at the cavernous interior and the glorious constellations painted high on the grandiose arched ceiling, we followed the archways down to the subway entrance. A couple of taps of my iPhone on the turnstile’s Omny pad, and Apple Pay took care of the ticketing.

I saw my first (and only) subway rats waiting for the 6 train. They came out of two separate water drains down along the tracks—I suppose they use the drains to get from one place to another, because very few of them can afford subway fare.

Then we stepped aboard the Downtown 6 train, and a few minutes later, after five or six quick stops, we came up into the heat and the sun on Canal Street and stepped across the border of Chinatown.

A few blocks up, after continually being accosted by small Chinese women brandishing laminated catalogs of supposed Coach bags, we turned onto Mott Street, and this cross street (above) was one of the first things we saw—a perfect introduction to the simple beauty of Chinatown.

We stayed on Mott and passed a very old, very wrinkled Chinese man, smoking on the sidewalk. Later, when we told our friend Deb that we went to Wo Hop, she asked us if the old guy smoking was still sidewalk-sitting on Mott Street. We assured her he was. She had not been there in several years.

Down the steps into a basement restaurant where the sign on the cash register read CASH ONLY. Okay, not a problem. The restaurant was probably the smallest place I’d ever eaten in—not as tiny as the Smallest Bar in Key West

The smallest bar in Key West.

— but still pretty small. And we loved it!

We sat in the corner booth where the couple is sitting above. At the table to the right were sitting three Wo Hop chefs wearing identical, light blue Wo Hop jackets, and they were all clipping the ends off of piles of fresh green beans that covered the table. Before we got to NYC, we had chosen to try Wo Hop because of its Chinatown location, because of its great reviews online, and especially because it serves old-school Chinese food, like the old-school Cantonese dishes we could get back in the day from Ling Nam or Ming Gate in Hampton, VA, or Kam Ling in Newport News—all now, sadly, long closed but all well-remembered.

Maria ordered Moo Goo Gai Pan, and I ordered the Beef Chow Mein (above), which I can find properly prepared old -school style in only two restaurants that I know of in the US: one in Key West (NOT the smallest Chinese restaurant in Key West), and the other at Little Szechuan in Richmond—but only during the day, when the really good chef is working. (At night, the Beef Chow Mein is passable; but in the daytime it’s excellent.)

My chow mein was blazing hot and must have been served right out of the wok. The fried noodles underneath were not old-school—I’m not even sure that the thin brown noodles I prefer are still made for restaurants any more (but you can get similar noodles on the grocery shelves, made by La Choy)—but, other than that, my chow mein tasted perfect!

So: we finished our meal, bought two Wo Hop panda t-shirts ($10 each was a steal!) and then we were back out on the sweltering NYC streets.

We made a mistake: we decided to walk to the Mysterious Bookshop since its new location seemed so close. We should have called a Lyft. The heat in the city was just so oppressive that we had to stop and rest a few times in what little shade we could find. If we hadn’t, we never would have seen this, right at our feet:

It was also quite interesting to see the Chinatown signs for McDonalds, Taco Bell and Popeye’s Louisiana Kitchen, all written in both English and Chinese.

Next time, I’ll finish the story of our Thursday in NYC, with a visit to the Mysterious Bookshop, the World Trade Center Memorial, the Strand and Forbidden Planet.

It’s Not the 1980s Any More — NYC and DC, Part 2

PeopleExpress.

PeopleExpress was a great, no-frills airline that flew out of The Newport News-Williamsburg International Airport back when it was still called Patrick Henry International Airport. For only $25 one-way, my girlfriend and I (why, yes, I did marry her) would take advantage of their highly affordable flights to and from NYC. The shuttle bus from Newark to midtown’s graffiti-covered Port Authority cost less than $20 round-trip. We’d unload our luggage at the hotel, usually the Sheraton on 54th where the doorman’s daughter was attending Hampton Institute; and one time we stayed in the Hotel Taft and saw Orson Bean holding court with some friends in the lobby. Our purpose: mostly to buy books we couldn’t get from the chain book stores in Hampton or Norfolk. Remember, this was the pre-internet days, and if your local book stores didn’t have a particular title, you pretty much were forced to special order it from the same book store. I called BS to waiting for special orders (it took 6-8 weeks back then), and PeopleExpress was cheap enough so that we could afford to hit up NYC and more personalized bookstores than Waldenbooks and B. Dalton and Cole’s, such as The Mysterious Bookshop, Coliseum Books, The Strand, and Forbidden Planet.

But that was the early ‘80s, before Giuliani, before 9-11, and even before the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. New York book stores had everything…and NYC had restaurants and stores and experiences that suburban Virginia knew nothing of.

Fast forward to 2023. Flights from Virginia to NYC/Newark are about ten times the cost they were in 1980. Minimum. There are no longer any shuttle buses like the ones we used to use. The big hotels no longer offer a free van or free transportation from the airport to the hotel. There isn’t even advertising throughout the airport like there used to be—especially in the baggage area—informing us of all the NYC transportation choices.

Everything now is done by internet, on your cell phones, including shopping for books.

So our United flight into Newark swooped in effortlessly, dropped us off at the gate, and we were left to fend for ourselves outside the baggage claim. A YouTube video from some minor personality known for his NYC expertise recommended to take a Lyft or a cab to our hotel in the city, so we climbed into the first available cab at the arrival gate. We didn’t have much choice—I hadn’t been able to find a shuttle bus to get us there any cheaper…until days later.

As I remember, a cab ride from Newark into the city used to cost about double the price of a shuttle bus…so, about $25. Not so in the 23rd year of the 21st Century. With a tip, the cab ride from Newark to our hotel cost almost $150. (Remember this figure for when I tell you how we got back to Newark.)

I don’t remember how I found out about the Library Hotel—it was somewhere on the internet—but it looked great from the photos and I immediately wanted to experience it. NYC is a book town to me, like it means Broadway to others, and the Library Hotel seemed like a natural…and it was. We checked in and were immediately offered a free copy of Billie Jean King’s autobiography—apparently she liked the hotel and donated a bunch of copies to give to visitors. The 2nd floor Reading Room stayed open all night, offering free water or sodas, coffee and tea and fruits. There’s a rooftop bar that’s fun, and a restaurant/wine bar on the other side of the lobby.

We didn’t know it when we made reservations at the Library Hotel, but it’s situated a block away from the Grand Central Library, and one block in the opposite direction is Grand Central Station. So we were nicely located between uptown and downtown, and for the first time we took advantage of the subway system. Lyfts to most of the places we wanted to go were $25-$30 one-way. Cabs were even more expensive. The subway: $2.75 a person. And fast. (All I had to do was enable Apple Pay on my phone, and we were all set.)

One of my goals for this trip was to visit the main branch of the New York Public Library. Look, I wanted to see for myself the lions that guard the entrance. And maybe get of picture of me with them. Don’t judge me. By the way, the lions names are Patience and Fortitude. I also wanted to go inside and just be absorbed, and see the huge rooms you always see in movies. Unfortunately, we didn’t make it; and the library branch virtually next door to us was closed during our visit.

So we got into our room, and decided to stay there until we had to leave for dinner. Let me tell you about the room: actually, about all the rooms in the Library Hotel. This was one of the reasons I wanted to stay here: Imagine the Dewey Decimal system, spread out from first floor to top floor. Our room was on the fifth floor, which was dedicated to Math and Science. We were in the fifth room on the floor, so you’d think we were staying in room 505. Nope. Like the books were once organized in old-fashioned libraries, such as the Charles Taylor Memorial Library in Hampton, VA, which I patronized as much as possible when I was a lad, our room number was not 505, but was instead 500.005, and was dedicated to Dinosaurs.

Every room has a theme, and you can go here to see the genre to which each room is dedicated. I quote from their website:

Library Hotel’s collection of over 6,000 books is organized by the Dewey Decimal Classification®. Each of the 10 guestroom floors honors one of the 10 categories of the Dewey Decimal Classification® and our 60 rooms are uniquely adorned with about 50-150 books and artwork exploring a distinctive topic within the category it belongs to.

I should have requested the Mystery room, but I have to wonder what the selections were like in the Erotica room…

We had 5:30 reservations at Guantanamera, a Cuban-inspired restaurant, so that we could eat a little early and then see Funny Girl and Deb at 8:00. A Lyft dropped us off at 939 Eighth Avenue, and the hostess took us to the first of our vacation’s two-person dinner tables, squeezed together in one of NYC’s typically cramped restaurants, where the ceilings are immeasurably taller than the restaurant’s width. I’m not sure how New Yorkers get used to the small dimensions of most restaurants. I found myself constantly shoehorned at dinnertime; I’m sure restauranteurs call these tables two-tops, but to me they’re more like one and a half-tops, and we were so close to other diners that I had to stop myself from reaching over and snatching a bite off their plates.

We were tired, and the heat in NYC last week was both record-breaking and exhausting—it topped off at 87° that day, but I swear it felt like 99°. So we didn’t have much of an appetite last Wednesday evening; nevertheless, I bravely ordered ham croquettes as an appetizer. I don’t think I was aware of croquettes when I was in Miami in the ‘80s, but they’re a Miami staple today, so I wanted to try them finally, and Guantanamera’s turned out to be delicious. (I tried to make them at home once. They’re supposed to look like oversized tater tots. Mine turned out like fried puddles of ham goo.)

I had a medium-rare chimichurri hanger steak, rich and delicious, and Maria had the Bistec de Palomilla, a thin Cuban steak topped with sautéed onions. Both were wonderful, but I left wishing I had ordered Maria’s entrée. It was not only wonderful, but it tasted cozy. It made me feel like home.

The August Wilson Theatre was only four blocks away—that’s one of the reasons we picked Guantanamera, besides its excellent reviews—so after dinner we walked the short distance and stood in line until the doors opened at 7:15.

Our seats were close to the back and on the aisle, and afforded us an extremely pleasant vantage point to enjoy the show. Plus the heat outside had become overwhelming—it would get even worse the next day—so the seats close to the entrance were in the perfect spot to park our overheated butts.

Funny Girl is a mid-century modern classic, and this production, with book updated by Harvey Fierstein, has the familiar feel of the Streisand film. Everyone was great in their roles, but we came to NYC to see our pal, Debra Cardona, on Broadway before the show closes in September.

And, of course, Deb (at left above, on stage with some unknowns) was awesome! She sings, she dances, she’s a funny girl herself… I truly think she could kill with her own one-woman musical revue. (Deb, if you need a writer, we should talk…)

She took us backstage after the show, which was a magical experience. Most of the actors had already left, but the stagehands had already set up the traditional ghostlight (above) and she showed us around. The set, which you can partially see along with the theatre’s ornate, Chinese dragon ghostlight, is a rotating set, portions of which rotate separately and simultaneously. It’s really a great design that can make changes almost instantly.

On the way out, I shook hands with Tovah Feldshuh, who took Jane Lynch’s place as Mrs. Brice a few months back, and we hailed a cab and went for drinks up at the rooftop bar at the Library Hotel. People were lounging around outside in the heat, be we stayed inside with the blissful air conditioning and Facetimed Deb’s husband in L.A., one of our best pals from Orlando and a very talented voice-over actor, Darin De Paul. But it was only one drink for each of us, because the day had been a long one, and we were ready to head back to the Dinosaur room. We walked Deb out where she hailed a cab, and then it was bedtime for us starstruck peasants from Virginia.

More about NYC tomorrow…

An Accidental Vacation — NYC and DC, Part 1

We sat in the Richmond airport for a few hours, waiting for our late departing plane to start boarding for Newark, the Northeast’s Garden of Eden, and then beyond to the Apple. There was an annoying woman walking up and down the aisle of Terminal B repeatedly, talking into her cell phone held at chest level. She wouldn’t go away.

We woke up at 6 to get to the airport a couple of hours before the flight was to take off at 9:40. But after we showered and finished packing, I got an email saying the flight had experienced an “unexpected operational issue.” The departure time was changed to 11:53 am.

So: an uninspired and overpriced breakfast at the airport Applebee’s. Non-Starbucks espresso and a cappuccino from an extremely surly barista who didn’t tell me until after I paid for the hot beverages that there would be no hot beverages until the machine got fixed. Luckily, it was fixed about 10 minutes later, and then I wait-wait-waited for the caffeine to kick in because I was seriously ready to snooze.

The dogs were fine at Hanover Your Pet, the kennel that was referred to us by an animal-loving friend. Maria called them and was told they’re outside in the play yard with the other small- to medium-sized pups, having fun. We dropped them off at the kennel late yesterday afternoon, and I missed them already.

My original intent with this trip was to drive to DC for a night, stay at a nice hotel, have a nice dinner, and catch the road show of The Play that Goes Wrong at Kennedy Center. So we got tickets to the play, and reservations at the Washington Hilton…and then Maria suggested we make this trip all about plays, and go to NYC, too. Our friend, Debra Cardona, is performing on Broadway in Funny Girl with Lea Michelle, and the opportunity to see Deb on stage in NYC was too tempting to pass up. I soon discovered that The Play that Goes Wrong is still playing in NYC, but we couldn’t cancel the DC tickets, so no big deal—I knew I was going to love the experience anyway. I’ve seen their versions of Peter Pan Goes Wrong and A Christmas Carol Goes Wrong on YouTube, along with their BBC half-hour show, and the creativity of their productions is both boundless and hilarious.

Tomorrow, I report on NYC and the Endless Heat Experience.

Of Reason, Unreason, and Tea

So last Friday I took my wife to Richmond’s grand and glorious Jefferson Hotel, a monument to a glorious era of grand hotels and stately affairs from an age long gone. We met up with our friend, artist/writer Colleen Doran, and enjoyed a quite civilized tea service of cucumber sandwiches, Smithfield ham biscuits, macaroons and chocolate-covered strawberries, and, of course, teas.

Colleen’s latest graphic novel, with words by Neil Gaiman.

We laughed and joked and spoke of many things, including book sales, and what other creators were doing nowadays, and some lurid gossip from the convention scene that won’t leave my head, and how social media now plays a part in the marketing of our books. Then I said something that has been on my mind in recent days, as millions of thinking, empathic people across the country can feel the Constitutional pillars that hold up the US begin to crumble in this Age of Unreason. What I said was, basically, “I’m thinking of not saying anything of importance on social media any more, especially politically. It doesn’t change anyone’s minds, and it may cost me book sales.”

I’ve been thinking of this for the last few days, and even so I still find myself posting political ramblings, contrarian cartoons, and sarcastic memes. I just can’t stop.

And then yesterday writer John Scalzi posted this thread of ideas on twitter, and I feel much better now.

See, I’m not alone.

Over on Facebook a post is being passed around in which an author is telling other authors not to take political positions because our job is to entertain, not alienate “half our readers.” So, let me speak on this general concept of authors shutting up and staying in lanes.

Basically: Nah. Don’t shut up, if you would prefer to speak. Also, as a human here on Earth in 2022, you’re in a bunch of “lanes” including “a political stakeholder who has opinions on events that affect their life.” You may decide that “lane” is the important one right now.

Will you alienate readers expressing political opinions? Sure. But, as someone who once received a flaming kiss-off from a reader for expressing a mild operating software preference, I assure you that you can alienate readers by expressing any opinion on anything whatsoever.

You could try to never express an opinion on anything ever again, including *in* your writing (this is a neat trick if you can manage it, good luck with it), but living a life of never publicly expressing an opinion so as to never lose a sale seems enervating and futile to me.

Also, think about the math for a second, for crying out loud. To grossly oversimplify: The US adult readership is about 200 million people. If you alienate “half of them” by talking politics, you have 100 million left. 99+% of books sell 20k copies or less. YOU WILL BE FINE.

More realistically, the market pool for any book will be smaller based on genre, etc. But even then, if you lost “half” the potential readership, you’d still have more readers available to you than you are likely to sell to, even if you are a genre or mainstream bestseller.

But you want to sell more! Well, good for you! Also, have you noticed that bestselling authors on social media tend to be a politically mouthy bunch? It’s almost as if their having a loud public political opinion did not impede their book sales! Curious, that!

Also, look: you could lose readers by expressing opinions. You can also gain them. There are readers who factor a similar worldview into their purchase choices, or when trying out new authors. Other readers don’t care. In my experience, these things even out in the wash.

You don’t *have* to express political or other opinions out loud if that’s not how you roll. Be who you are. But that *is* how you roll, don’t limit yourself because of worries about sales. I suspect you will also find being your authentic self is important in the long run.

On a personal level: With full acknowledgment of who I am and the privileges I get because of it, I have a full and extensive history of being publicly political, long before I was writing books. Lots of people wish I would shut up. But it’s not their call and it’s my choice.

I could not and can not in good conscience be silent about politics and the world, especially now, when fellow Americans are having their rights stripped from them by cowards and bigots and fools. I will speak and not give a damn how many sales I lose. This is an easy choice.

So, yeah. Speak your mind, authors, if that what you think the moment requires of you. You don’t need to be silent against your will, just for the sake of a sale.”

I’m taking this to heart. I’m gonna keep on keeping on, as the song says (and if there isn’t a song that says this, there should be). Over on Facebook, posts featuring photos of morning after pills are being censored by algorithms. Today the Supreme Leaders of SCROTUS “reinstated the Republican-drawn map of Louisiana’s House districts that was blocked by a judge who found it likely discriminates against Black voters.”

Simultaneously, Ghislaine Maxwell was sentenced to 20 years in prison. Cassidy Hutchinson dropped a bunch of big dimes on Orange Julius and his crew that couldn’t shoot straight.  And poetry is slowly becoming more popular in the US.

So…we’ve just got to keep on keeping on. And have some tea.

The Fauxtel Greene

So this past weekend my wife and I attended the wedding of our nephew Glen and his lovely bride, Lizzie, at the charming Linden Row Inn in downtown Richmond. Our friends Darin and Deb had stayed there before and had loved it, so I knew Lizzie and Glen’s choice was a good one. Besides, they have a hotel cat, Anastasia, and the Inn is supposed to be haunted. Excellent all the way around!

Their wedding was simple and beautiful; personal vows were read; Maria and I were teary-eyed; and the newlyweds are, as I write this, winging their way high above the continental US for a Polynesian honeymoon on Oahu. (As a dutiful uncle, I recommended a visit to Duke’s on Sunday, per Jimmy Buffett; and Maria suggested they try Hawaii’s signature fish, ono, which the rest of the US knows as wahoo.)

Enjoy a musical interlude of “Duke’s on Sunday.”

The reception was held a few blocks away, where the sign over the door reads THE HOTEL GREENE. Inside, the reverse of the sign over the door reads:

Hotel Greene publicity photo.

And . . . it isn’t. The famous Magritte painting is certainly implied by the unexpected wordage, because the Hotel Greene is merely a series of rooms in the basement of what used to be the Hotel John Marshall, which is now an apartment building . . . and it’s a bar, restaurant, and indoor mini-golf course. But it ain’t a hotel at all.

And Maria and I fell in love with it.

It all reminds me of the intense theming that went into my favorite themed attraction ever created, Disney’s Adventurers Club, which Disney stupidly and stubbornly closed in 2008 along with the rest of their much-needed entertainment area for adults, Pleasure Island. Idiots. Pure and simple, idiots. But that’s another story.

I digress.

ANYWAY, a surfeit of creativity and heart went into the creation of Hotel Greene, from the vintage suitcases to the lion painting over the fireplace, and especially to the theming of the golf course, which contains surprise elements hidden here and there. Speaking of here and there, you can read all about the Hotel Greene here and there. Take a look at the official website, too, where a lot of faux backstory is available, including this history lesson:

I promised Maria we’ll go back for brunch soon, because the reception food was good and the drinks from the bar were perfect. Besides, there are still some hidden things along the golf course that I didn’t find. I hope at least one of them is properly spooky and Shining-esque.

The Hotel Greene is located at 508 E Franklin St, Richmond, VA 23219. They don’t have a phone, so to contact them you’ll have to visit their Facebook or Instagram pages and DM the hotel operator.

Listen to the Ghostflowers soundtrack before the book comes out

I’ve created a playlist to accompany the reading of my novel, Ghostflowers, now scheduled to be released by Journalstone Books on July 8, 2022.

It’s a playlist of 125 songs that I refer to in one way or another in Ghostflowers, either playing on my main character’s stereo, on the car radio, or at a secret party in the woods. If you watch this on the actual YouTube page, my notes explain some of my motivations, and the feelings I hope these tunes will evoke in the listener.

Please join me and go back to the hippie-esque weekend of July 4, 1971, and watch or listen to my YouTube compilation right now. It’s classic rock and a few other things mixed in that you might remember. Please let me know what you think.