The Fauxtel Greene

So this past weekend my wife and I attended the wedding of our nephew Glen and his lovely bride, Lizzie, at the charming Linden Row Inn in downtown Richmond. Our friends Darin and Deb had stayed there before and had loved it, so I knew Lizzie and Glen’s choice was a good one. Besides, they have a hotel cat, Anastasia, and the Inn is supposed to be haunted. Excellent all the way around!

Their wedding was simple and beautiful; personal vows were read; Maria and I were teary-eyed; and the newlyweds are, as I write this, winging their way high above the continental US for a Polynesian honeymoon on Oahu. (As a dutiful uncle, I recommended a visit to Duke’s on Sunday, per Jimmy Buffett; and Maria suggested they try Hawaii’s signature fish, ono, which the rest of the US knows as wahoo.)

Enjoy a musical interlude of “Duke’s on Sunday.”

The reception was held a few blocks away, where the sign over the door reads THE HOTEL GREENE. Inside, the reverse of the sign over the door reads:

Hotel Greene publicity photo.

And . . . it isn’t. The famous Magritte painting is certainly implied by the unexpected wordage, because the Hotel Greene is merely a series of rooms in the basement of what used to be the Hotel John Marshall, which is now an apartment building . . . and it’s a bar, restaurant, and indoor mini-golf course. But it ain’t a hotel at all.

And Maria and I fell in love with it.

It all reminds me of the intense theming that went into my favorite themed attraction ever created, Disney’s Adventurers Club, which Disney stupidly and stubbornly closed in 2008 along with the rest of their much-needed entertainment area for adults, Pleasure Island. Idiots. Pure and simple, idiots. But that’s another story.

I digress.

ANYWAY, a surfeit of creativity and heart went into the creation of Hotel Greene, from the vintage suitcases to the lion painting over the fireplace, and especially to the theming of the golf course, which contains surprise elements hidden here and there. Speaking of here and there, you can read all about the Hotel Greene here and there. Take a look at the official website, too, where a lot of faux backstory is available, including this history lesson:

I promised Maria we’ll go back for brunch soon, because the reception food was good and the drinks from the bar were perfect. Besides, there are still some hidden things along the golf course that I didn’t find. I hope at least one of them is properly spooky and Shining-esque.

The Hotel Greene is located at 508 E Franklin St, Richmond, VA 23219. They don’t have a phone, so to contact them you’ll have to visit their Facebook or Instagram pages and DM the hotel operator.