I watch Man Vs. Food occasionally, and I usually enjoy it, especially when host Adam Richman goes somewhere I’ve never even heard about, such as Black Sheep here in Richmond, which looks just incredible.

My problem with the show is that every episode is 100% formulaic.  And it doesn’t matter to me if he eats the whole giant dish at the end or not.  It’s all just rote.  I know that, in every episode, he will come up against his “food wall,” he’ll drink milk to counter the spices in hot stuff, and then a couple of people will ask some banal questions about the challenge when it’s over.

It’s just a show, and a simple one, at that.  The thing is: I like seeing the food.  And sometimes, the amounts certainly get crazy.

I have absolutely no desire to rip away my stomach lining with nuclear-hot chicken wings, nor stuff myself until it hurts with a 3-6 lb. hamburger.  Hell, I already have acid reflux — I don’t need to bust my gut any worse in order to be a macho man.  But if you’d like to see who’d win in the challenge between YOU VS. FOOD, here’s a list of 83 restaurants across America and their culinary challenges.  Man Vs. Food has been to some of them already, but there are a lot of places where the challenges still haven’t been met.

Good luck . . . and, as Monsieur Creosote once said, “Bucket!”