Cuccinelli Changes Name of Virginia to "R"

Virginia Attorney Ken Cuccinelli today announced that his office would be revising the name of the Commonwealth of Virginia, as of June 1.

“Virginia, will always exist, sweet, pure and Southern, in our hearts,” Cuccinelli said to the Virginia House of Delegates earlier today.  “But, as Shakespeare once said, a rose by any other name would stink just as much.  So with that in mind, our office has decided that the name of the Commonwealth does not represent the ‘spirit’ of the Commonwealth.

“We feel that the name ‘Virginia’ has become tainted over the centuries.  It seems kind of fishy, if you know what I mean.  Seriously, sometimes, I’m embarrassed to say where I’m from.  ‘Virginia.’  I mean, do you even know a virgin anywhere in Richmond?” he said, chuckling.

“Anyhoo, the Governor and I, in accordance with stone tablets set down by Thomas Jefferson, Pat Robertson and Glenn Beck over 400 years ago, hereby decree that the Commonwealth of Virginia, as of June 1, shall henceforth be known as ‘R.’

“Please let me explain, my fellow R-ians.  In this day and age of moral decay and rampant immorality, it’s important to revise our state seal and all our mottoes and historical slogans to reflect the new Virgini– I mean, R.  Why R?  Simple: it’s the only letter in the Commonwealth’s name that is NOT in the word ‘vagina.’  And that’s just nasty, don’t you think?  I find it distasteful to even say it.  Vuh-jay-jay.  Puts a bad taste in my mouth.

“We will no longer embarass our school children who are forced to learn Vagina’s history.  Nor will we any longer ridicule the historians who like to poke around central Vagina.  But, hey — we’re not here to censor or usurp the 1st Amendment — not all that much.  We’re just here to keep it clean for the sake of the children.  No bare titties on the seal, no ‘virgins,’ and definitely no ‘vir-ginas.’  That’s a bush we don’t have to beat around any more.

“Thank you, all you loyal Republicans.  The others — I’ll see you festering in the liberal, Godforsaken h-e-double hockey sticks you so richly deserve.

“And may God Bless R forever.”

Welcome to Ken Kookynutty’s Cavalcade of Big Government Censorship

When the Republitards scream about how they’re against Big Government, don’t believe ’em.

They’re lying.

They want you to believe Big Government means expensive government — programs that spend money for the benefit of the people.

Well, obviously, they’re against that.  They don’t turn the other cheek, they don’t lend a helping hand, and those Cadillacs in the welfare recipients’ driveways?  They want to take them back.  Maybe they should be called Repo-blicans.

The hush-hush secret about Big Government — and because Government is always big, no matter what,  let’s call this exactly what it is: Republican Government — is that they want Their Government to make decisions for us.  Such as, deciding for us things we can and cannot be allowed to see.

Like a woman’s boob.

And it isn’t even a real woman.  It’s a piece of freakin’ art.  A coupla thousand years of artistic heritage . . . and Virginia’s Morals-Endowed-by-God-and-Pat-Robertson Attorney General, Ken Cuccinelli, thinks our state seal is as nasty as Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction.

There is the offending tit.  Right there.  The one with the nipple.  Right next to the big thing she’s holding that looks like a . . .

It’s a sword.  Suspiciously blunt and slightly flesh-colored, yet still a sword.

That’s the goddess Victus — but you can call her Miss Jackson if you’re nasty.  Here’s a news story all about this joker we elected into office.  Basically, Cuccinelli ordered the seal to be revised so he could make official pins for his AG office and give them out.

Revised by covering up said tit with “armor.”

Republitards make a big deal about heritage and tradition.  The first seal of Virginia was designed by George Wythe, with input from Thomas Jefferson (forgive me if my history is a little off), and reflected both our spirit of American Revolution and a belief in the Greco-Roman classics — the literature that would lead Virginia and the new nation into an age of intellectual enlightenment.

Intellectual?  No wonder Cuccinelli ordered it covered up.   Intellectual is the same as Democrat.  Progressive.

Liberal.

As is being noted in articles across the Web, Cuccinelli is a joke.  He deserves the ridicule he will receive — as his White House censorial predecessor, King John Ashcroft, received when he tried to cover up the classical nude statues of Justice.

As far as I’m concerned, flaunt ’em if you got ’em; bare ’em if they’re big.  I vote this babe to be on our next state seal.

She can even hold my sword . . .

Ken Kookinutti is wrong again

Virginia’s rabid right-wing attorney general makes the uninformed and factually-challenged claim that “the new law’s provisions that require individuals to carry health insurance violate the Constitution because ‘at no time in our history has the government mandated its citizens buy a good or service.’”

The facts at this web site prove our whack-job AG to be wrong.

What it all means is that the Republicans, in the wake of the passage of the health care bill, are throwing temper tantrums, determined not to let the Democrats or the President win — thus making all Americans lose (except for the wealthy, whom they’re trying to protect).

Don’t believe me?  Check this out.

VA’s Ken Cuccinelli: Crazier Than You Think

Here’s a blog I go to everyday — it’s by Ed Brayton, a scientist, skeptic, writer, and kick ass poker player.  His blog daily chronicles the craziness that’s coming out of Idiot Washington, which thereby foments the far-righteous indignation and mouth-frothing fury of the troops of Idiot America.  This particular blogpost is all about our new Attorney general in Virginia, who seems be living somewhere on the far-right border of insanity.