This whining, petulant man-child has been called many things, by celebrities, politicians and pundits alike:
Lord Voldemort — Rosie O’Donnell
Golden Wrecking Ball — Sarah Palin
Short-Fingered Vulgarian — Graydon Carter
Tiny Hands Trump, Babyfingers Trump and Pixie Fingers Trump — Michael R. Burch
The Most Fabulous Whiner — Chris Cuomo
Fuckface von Clownstick, Man-Baby, Comedy Entrapment and Unrepentant Narcissistic Asshole — Jon Stewart
The White Kanye ― Bill Maher
Trump of Doom — Michael R. Burch
Agent Orange (A fuller list is here.)
They’re funny. Satiric. Rude.
But . . . not one just nails it perfectly.
In truth, this child is a bastard.
When he throws Twitter tantrums, remember, he’s a bastard.
When he mocks the disabled, remember, he’s a bastard.
When he slanders those who disagree with him, remember, he’s a bastard.
When he condemns the press for reporting on him, remember, he’s a bastard.
When he uses donor money to buy up mass quantities of his own book, which delivers cash back to his own pocket and violates FEC rules; when he refuses to rent apartments to blacks; when he is accused of sexual assault during the 1970s; when his business dealings are tied to the Mafia; when he is fined for breaking the rules in his casinos; when he refuses to pay his contractors and workers; when he declares bankruptcy, repeatedly, in an effort to avoid paying his bills; when he is sued and fined for antitrust violations while trying to get rid of casino competitors; when he wants to build a wall to keep out Mexicans, but but is found guilty of bringing in Polish workers to build Trump Tower; when he (allegedly) rapes his wife in anger…
He is a bastard.
This president was not born of American man and woman. He was seeded by the semen of the Great American Bullshitter, and birthed from the womb of Mother Russia. His silken diapers are filled with pyrite turds, and his mother’s milk is our hard-earned money.
He is a bully. He is a crook. He is a cheat. He is a liar. He is a traitor.
He is illegitimate.
He is the Bastard President.